Internal Family Systems (IFS) for Beginners: 3 Simple Steps to Start Your Self-Therapy Journey

If you’re new to Internal Family Systems (IFS), the idea of exploring your inner world might feel overwhelming, daunting, or even a bit confusing. But don’t worry—starting your IFS journey doesn’t have to be complicated. In this beginner-friendly guide, we’ll break down three simple steps to help you begin your IFS self-therapy practice with confidence and ease. Whether you’re looking to cultivate self-awareness, connect with your self-energy, or engage with your inner parts, this blog will provide you with practical tools to get started.

Hi, I’m Conor McMillen, and I’m thrilled to guide you from the serene slopes of Mount Hood, Oregon. Let’s dive into how you can kickstart your Internal Family Systems journey today!

What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a transformative, evidence-based therapeutic approach that helps you understand and harmonize the different “parts” of your psyche—your thoughts, emotions, and sensations. By fostering a connection with your core Self (a place of calm, curiosity, and compassion), IFS empowers you to heal inner conflicts and live a more balanced, fulfilling life.

If you’re completely new to IFS, don’t worry—this guide assumes minimal prior knowledge. For a deeper dive into the basics, check out our IFS introductory resources (linked below).

Why Start with IFS Self-Therapy?

IFS self-therapy is a powerful way to explore your inner world on your own terms. By practicing IFS, you can:

• Develop self-awareness to better understand your thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
• Cultivate self-energy to approach life with calm, curiosity, and compassion.
• Build meaningful connections with your inner parts to foster healing and growth.

Ready to begin? Let’s explore the three simple steps to start your IFS journey.

Step 1: Develop Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the cornerstone of IFS and one of the most important skills for living a fulfilling life. It’s not about achieving a specific outcome—it’s about being curious and present with what’s happening in your body and mind.

A Simple Self-Awareness Exercise

Let’s try a quick practice to activate your self-awareness:

1. Find a Comfortable Position: Whether you’re sitting, lying down, or standing, get comfortable wherever you are.
2. Take a Deep Breath: Inhale deeply, then exhale slowly. Notice any subtle changes in your body. Is there a slight relaxation? A flutter in your stomach? A shift in energy?
3. Repeat and Observe: Take two more breaths, paying attention to any sensations. For example, you might feel a gentle shift from your head to your belly or a sense of grounding.
4. Ask Yourself: What am I noticing right now? What am I thinking, feeling, or sensing?

This exercise is all about tuning into the subtlety of your experience. You’re not looking for dramatic changes—just small shifts. By practicing this for just 2-3 breaths, you’re already building your self-awareness muscle.

Pro Tip: Focus on what am I sensing to anchor yourself in your body. This helps you move out of your head and into the present moment, where self-awareness thrives.

Step 2: Cultivate Self-Energy

Self-energy is the innate quality of your core Self—a state of being that is calm, curious, and compassionate. The good news? You already have self-energy; it’s not something you need to find. Your job is to strengthen it and help your parts relax so it can shine through.

The 3 Cs of Self-Energy (Note there at 8 Cs but for now just remember these 3)

To make self-energy easy to remember, focus on these three characteristics:

• Calm: A sense of relaxation and groundedness.
• Curious: An open, non-judgmental desire to explore your inner world.
• Compassionate: A kind, understanding attitude toward yourself and your parts.

How to Build Self-Energy

The self-awareness exercise you just practiced is a great way to tap into self-energy. Here’s how to take it further:

• Practice Curiosity: When you ask, “What am I noticing?” you’re engaging curiosity. If feelings like irritation, anxiety, or self-criticism arise, acknowledge them without judgment. These are parts, not your Self.
• Foster Calm: Deep breathing naturally creates calm in your body. Notice how each exhale helps you relax and ground.
• Embrace Compassion: Even if you don’t fully understand a feeling (like sadness or anxiety), approach it with kindness. Think of how you’d feel compassion for a stranger crying—you can offer that same warmth to your inner parts.

Pro Tip: Be patient with yourself. Building self-energy is a practice, and patience is an expression of compassion. The more you tune into the 3 Cs, the stronger your self-energy will become.

Step 3: Engage with Your Parts

Now that you’ve practiced self-awareness and tapped into self-energy, it’s time to connect with your parts—the thoughts, emotions, or sensations that make up your inner system. Each part has a role and is trying to help you in its own way.

How to Engage with a Part

Here’s a simple process to start interacting with your parts:

1. Return to Self-Energy: Take a few breaths to reconnect with your calm, curious, and compassionate Self.
2. Notice What’s Present: Ask yourself, “What am I thinking, feeling, or sensing right now?” For example, you might notice a thought like, “This is taking too long,” or a sensation like tightness in your chest.
3. Identify the Part: Ask, “Is this a part?” For instance, could that thought be a part that’s restless? Could that tightness be a part holding tension?
4. Engage with Curiosity: If you sense a part, ask, “Is there anything you’d like to share with me? I’m listening.” Stay open to any response—or no response at all.
5. Hold Compassion: Whether the part responds or not, offer it kindness. Compassion creates a safe space for your parts to open up over time.

What If Nothing Happens?

If you don’t get a clear response from a part, that’s perfectly okay! The act of showing up with curiosity and compassion is the work. For some, parts respond immediately; for others, it takes time. Keep returning to self-energy and asking, “What’s here right now?”

Pro Tip: Consistency is key. Even a 2-minute daily practice of checking in with your parts builds momentum. Be gentle and let the process unfold naturally.

Tips for Success in Your IFS Journey

Starting your IFS self-therapy journey is an exciting step, but it can feel complex at times. Here are a few tips to keep you on track:

• Be Patient: IFS is a practice, not a race. Celebrate small wins, like noticing a subtle shift during your breathing exercise.
• Stay Consistent: Even 2 minutes a day of self-awareness practice can lead to profound changes over time.
• Embrace Simplicity: You don’t need to “get it right.” The act of trying is enough.
• Seek Support: If you want guidance, explore our IFS self-therapy program at internalfamilysystems.org for a structured approach to working with your system.

Ready to Begin Your IFS Journey?

You’ve just learned three simple steps to start your Internal Family Systems journey: developing self-awareness, cultivating self-energy, and engaging with your parts. By practicing these steps, you’re building a foundation for deeper self-understanding and healing.

If you’re ready to take the next step, check out these resources:

• IFS Videos for a deeper understanding of IFS basics.

  • What is Internal Family Systems Therapy? What is IFS?

  •  What are the 8 C's of IFS? Internal Family Systems Therapy

  •  7 Questions To Ask Your Parts || Internal Family System Therapy

• The Complete Self-Led IFS Program for a comprehensive guide to IFS protocols.

What did you notice during the self-awareness exercise? Share your experience in the comments below—I’d love to hear from you! For more IFS tips and self-therapy practices, subscribe to our newsletter and follow along for weekly updates.

Here’s to your journey of self-discovery and growth with Internal Family Systems!

Written by Conor McMillen from Mount Hood, Oregon.