Is IFS Dangerous to Do on Your Own? A Thoughtful Approach to Self-Led Healing

Is IFS Dangerous to Do on Your Own? A Thoughtful Approach to Self-Led Healing

Hello there, and welcome back to the channel! My name is Conor McMillen, and I'm an IFS-trained coach with over a decade of experience, having been trained by the IFS Institute. I’m passionate about this work and delighted to have you here. If you haven’t already, I’d encourage you to subscribe to the channel, as I regularly share content that I believe is genuinely beneficial.

Today, I want to address an important question: Is it dangerous to practice Internal Family Systems (IFS) on your own?This is a valid concern, and the answer is nuanced. Just as driving a car can be risky yet commonplace, so too can engaging in IFS independently pose risks if not approached with care.

The Importance of Self-Responsibility and Self-Assessment

The foundation of safely practicing IFS—or any deep therapeutic modality—rests on self-responsibility and a realistic self-assessment. If you’re not in a place where you can confidently take responsibility for your well-being or accurately assess your mental and emotional state, it might not be the right time to practice IFS on your own. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you; it simply means that seeking guidance from a trained practitioner or engaging in a group setting could be a more suitable and supportive choice.

Reflecting on my own journey, I recall times when I didn’t fully understand how to take responsibility for myself. During those periods, diving deep into my internal system might not have been wise or safe. It’s important to recognize when you’re on the edge of your safety zone and to proceed with caution.

Staying Safe: Never Go Faster Than the Slowest Part

So, how can you keep yourself safe if you choose to practice IFS independently? The key is to never go faster than the slowest part of you. This mantra is crucial for maintaining safety, whether we’re talking about physical, psychological, or even spiritual safety, depending on your perspective.

If you’re watching this video because a part of you is feeling concerned or fearful, that’s a sign to pause and connect with that part. Ask it what it’s worried about and listen with curiosity and patience. Even if this concern isn’t immediately present, it’s still valuable to regularly check in with your system, especially before engaging deeply in IFS work.

Before closing your eyes and diving into the depths of your system, ask yourself: Are there any parts of me that have concerns about doing this work? This question is essential whether you’re preparing to engage with a specific part or just beginning your practice. By moving slowly and remaining patient, you create a safe space for yourself to explore without rushing.

Recognizing When a Part Has Blended with Self-Energy

Another potential risk in practicing IFS on your own is the possibility of a part blending with your Self-energy. This happens when a part takes over, making you believe you’re in Self-energy when, in reality, another part is driving the process—possibly with urgency or an agenda.

To safeguard against this, regularly check in with yourself: Am I still in Self-energy, or has something else taken over?Stay curious about this possibility, and if you notice a part has blended with Self, gently ask it to step back. Engage with that part as needed until it feels comfortable enough to give you space to continue your work.

Patience and Curiosity: The Cornerstones of Safe IFS Practice

The name of the game in IFS is patience. By moving slowly and consistently returning to a place of curiosity—a hallmark of Self-energy—you can maintain safety as you explore your internal world. This approach not only keeps you safe but also yields the best results in your healing journey.

It’s worth noting that some aspects of IFS are likely safe for almost everyone to practice. For example, identifying different parts of your system can often be done mentally, without the need for deep immersion. This process can involve simply writing down parts of yourself that come to mind, tracking their characteristics, and observing their behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. This kind of work is generally low-risk and can be an excellent starting point.

When to Seek Additional Support

However, when you start to engage deeply—feeling the presence of parts, experiencing memories, or sensing bodily sensations—the layers of your system can unfold quickly. Even if a part isn’t explicitly signaling that things are moving too fast, it’s your responsibility as the holder of Self-energy to ensure the pace is right for all parts of you. This might mean slowing down the process or pausing to listen to quieter, less vocal parts.

In IFS, we aren’t necessarily looking to change things or achieve specific results. Yet, paradoxically, the work often leads to positive change naturally. The best outcomes arise from a patient, gentle, and curious approach. So, take your time—there’s no rush.

The Exiles Question

A common concern within IFS is the safety of engaging with exiles on your own. This topic deserves more attention than I can give it here, so I’ll address it in a future video. But rest assured, there are safe ways to approach this work, and I’ll guide you through them.

Final Thoughts

I hope this discussion has been helpful. Whether it soothes parts of you that were concerned or provides direction for those who might not be ready to practice IFS alone, remember that wherever you are right now is exactly where you’re meant to be. It’s okay if you need additional support—whether from a practitioner, a group, or simply the presence of others.

If you’re ready to take on the responsibility of practicing IFS on your own, consider checking out my program available at internalfamilysystems.com. It offers a structured, step-by-step approach that can help you feel safe and empowered as you navigate your internal world.

Thank you for spending time with me today. I truly hope this video has been beneficial, and I look forward to continuing this journey with you. Take care, and I’ll talk to you soon.