Taming Your Inner Critic with IFS: A Guide to Self-Led Healing

Do you ever hear a voice inside that says, “You’re not doing it right,” “You’re not good enough,” or even something harsher? That relentless inner critic can amplify stress and weigh heavily on your well-being. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we understand this critic as a part of your system—not your entirety. This perspective shift is powerful: your inner critic isn’t out to harm you; it’s trying to protect you, even if its methods feel painful. Working with the inner critic using IFS has many layers, and in this blog, inspired by my latest video, “Tame Your Inner Critic with IFS: A Simple Exercise,” we’ll explore perhaps the first layer using self-therapy with IFS. This guide will help you understand this part and offer a practical exercise to soften its impact, fostering self-led healing with calm, curious, and compassionate Self-energy.

Understanding the Inner Critic in IFS

In IFS, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, we view the mind as a system of parts, each with its own role, desires, and experiences, like members of an internal family. These parts work together to help you navigate life, avoid pain, and pursue happiness. At the core lies your Self, a state of calm, curiosity, and compassion that can lead and harmonize your parts. The inner critic is one such part, often a “manager” that uses critical language to protect you—perhaps from failure, rejection, or vulnerability—based on its past experiences.

Why does the critic sound so harsh? Its intentions, though misguided, come from a place of care. For example, it might push you to work harder to avoid perceived failure or shame. But its constant negativity can create stress and disconnection. The goal of IFS isn’t to silence this part but to understand it, help it relax, and allow your Self to lead. By doing so, you create space for self-awareness and healing, transforming your relationship with this part.

Why Work with the Inner Critic?

Ignoring or fighting the inner critic often backfires, making it louder or more persistent. In IFS, we believe every part has value, and the critic holds energy that, when integrated, contributes to a fuller, more vibrant life. By engaging with it curiously, you can uncover its deeper motivations and reduce its stress-inducing grip. Working with the inner critic has many layers—initially recognizing it, then understanding its role, and eventually unburdening deeper wounds it may carry. This blog focuses on the first layer: recognizing and engaging the critic through self-therapy to build a foundation for deeper work. This process isn’t about a quick fix—it’s a practice that builds connection over time, helping you live more from your Self.

A Simple IFS Exercise to Tame Your Inner Critic

Here’s a step-by-step exercise you can try whenever your inner critic is active. This practice, drawn from IFS principles, is designed to deepen self-awareness and bring your Self-energy online. It’s a foundational step in the layered process of working with your inner critic, perfect for self-therapy.

Step 1: Recognize the Inner Critic as a Part

When you hear that critical voice—“You’re not doing it right” or “You messed up again”—pause and identify it as a part, not your whole self. Silently note, “My inner critic is here.” This simple act creates separation, helping you step into Self-energy by acknowledging the critic as one voice among many.

Step 2: Notice Body Sensations

Tune into your body. How does the critic’s voice show up physically? Do you feel tightness in your chest, tension in your neck, a flutter in your stomach, or jitteriness? Take a moment to scan your body and pinpoint any sensations. This somatic awareness boosts Self-energy by grounding you in the present and deepening your connection to your system.

Step 3: Engage with Curiosity

Now, tap into curiosity—one of the key characteristics of Self, alongside calm and compassion. Believe that your inner critic has something valuable to share, even if you don’t yet understand it. With genuine curiosity, silently acknowledge the part: “I hear you. I feel you. I know you’re here.” Then ask, “What are you trying to protect me from?” or “What’s your job?” Alternatives include, “What are you doing for me?” or “Why do you feel this way?”

Close your eyes, breathe slowly, and allow space for a response. It might come as a thought, feeling, image, or sensation. If nothing comes, that’s okay—patience is key. The act of asking and listening is transformative, even if answers don’t surface immediately.

Step 4: Practice Consistently

This exercise isn’t a one-time fix. Like any skill, it grows stronger with repetition. Try it over the next few weeks whenever your inner critic arises. Each time you engage, you’re building trust with this part and strengthening your Self-energy. Over time, the critic may soften, feeling seen and understood, allowing you to live with less internal stress. This first layer sets the stage for deeper IFS work, such as exploring the critic’s origins or unburdening its pain.

Why This Practice Works

This exercise leverages IFS’s core principle: all parts have positive intentions, and understanding them fosters healing. By recognizing the inner critic as a part, you avoid identifying with its harshness. Noticing body sensations grounds you in the present, amplifying self-awareness. Asking curious questions invites the critic to share its story, often revealing protective motives—like shielding you from failure or judgment. This first layer of engagement builds trust, paving the way for deeper exploration in future self-therapy sessions. By consistently engaging your critic from Self, you create a safer internal environment, where parts feel heard and can relax, reducing stress and enhancing well-being.

In IFS, Self-energy is akin to mindfulness or presence, defined by eight characteristics, including calm, curiosity, and compassion. Focusing on these three makes the practice accessible and effective. This initial layer of working with the inner critic is about building awareness and connection, setting a foundation for the many layers of IFS work that can follow, such as dialoguing with exiled parts or unburdening past traumas.

Tips for Success

• Be Patient: You may not get clear answers the first few times. The practice itself—tuning in and asking—builds Self-energy.
• Stay Gentle: Avoid forcing the critic to change. Offer curiosity and compassion, letting it respond in its own time.
• Reflect and Share: After trying the exercise, journal your experience or share it in the comments of the video. What worked? What felt challenging? Community insights can deepen your practice.
• Integrate Regularly: Set aside a few minutes weekly to check in with your system, even when the critic isn’t loud. This builds trust with all parts.
• Go Deeper Gradually: This exercise is the first layer. As you grow comfortable, explore further IFS techniques to uncover the critic’s deeper story.

Watch the Video and Deepen Your Practice

Want to dive deeper? Watch my latest video below, “Help Your Inner Critic Relax || Exercise Using IFS”, for a guided walkthrough of this practice. I share additional tips and context to help you connect with your inner critic and live more from Self. Subscribe to my channel for regular IFS and self-healing content, and share your experience in the comments to inspire others!

Next Steps in Your IFS Journey

For more resources to support your self-led IFS practice, visit https://www.internalfamilysystems.org. You’ll find tools and content to enhance your self-awareness and growth. My mission is to empower you to become your own therapist, using IFS to navigate your inner world with confidence and compassion.

With warmth and curiosity,
Conor McMillen