Rebuilding Trust with Yourself: A New Approach to New Year’s Resolutions

Rebuilding Trust with Yourself: A New Approach to New Year’s Resolutions

Every time we make a promise to ourselves and don’t keep it, we erode trust within our internal system. This year, instead of making grand, sweeping commitments, consider this as an opportunity to rebuild trust—gently and consistently.

A Different Kind of Resolution

As the year winds down, the cultural momentum to set big, ambitious New Year’s resolutions takes over. Parts of us might look back on the past year with self-criticism, pointing out areas for improvement, while other parts become motivated and excited, determined to make this year different. This dynamic is natural, but often, these grand commitments fall apart, leaving us feeling disappointed and mistrustful of our ability to follow through.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers a perspective to approach this differently. Instead of diving into massive promises, focus on creating small, realistic commitments that you can keep. These commitments aren’t just about achieving goals; they’re about rebuilding and strengthening trust between your Self and your parts.

Understanding IFS and Self-Trust

In IFS, our internal system consists of parts—each with its own needs, goals, and fears—and the Self, which embodies qualities like calm, compassion, and clarity. Ideally, the Self leads, creating harmony among the parts. But when trust is eroded by broken promises, parts often take over, sidelining the Self.

Rebuilding trust starts with consistency. When you make a promise to yourself and keep it, even if it’s small, you’re telling your parts that they can rely on the Self. This trust allows parts to relax, step back, and let the Self lead.

Why Grand Resolutions Often Fail

Grand resolutions often stem from parts driven by self-criticism or fear of worthlessness. While these parts mean well, their big promises—like committing to the gym six times a week at 5 a.m. after months of inactivity—can be unrealistic and unsustainable. When these commitments inevitably falter, they reinforce a cycle of mistrust and frustration within the system.

Instead of aiming for drastic changes, focus on gentle, consistent actions. This approach builds momentum organically, without relying on willpower alone. Willpower, after all, is a part of you that can become exhausted if overburdened.

A New Year’s Resolution That Works

This year, try setting intentions that prioritize trust and self-awareness over grand achievements. For example:

• Instead of promising an hour-long gym session every day, commit to 15 minutes of stretching three times a week. Reassess after a month and adjust based on what’s working.

• Focus on the process rather than the outcome. The goal is not just to exercise but to rebuild trust by keeping your commitments.

• Push your edge without going over it. Stretch yourself gently, creating sustainable habits that your entire system can support.

The Power of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the foundation for increasing Self-energy and leading your system. A simple way to cultivate self-awareness is through grounding practices:

1. Take five minutes to lie down, place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly, and breathe deeply.

2. Notice what’s present in your body—sensations, emotions, or thoughts—without judgment.

3. Tune into your inner world, gently observing the parts that arise.

This practice, though simple, can profoundly shift your relationship with yourself, helping you connect more deeply with your Self and your parts.

A Resolution Rooted in Compassion

If big resolutions feel overwhelming, consider skipping them altogether. Instead, set an intention to:

• Deepen your connection with your Self.

• Cultivate compassion for parts that feel driven to make big changes.

• Rebuild trust through small, consistent actions.

This approach not only aligns with the principles of IFS but also sets you up for meaningful, sustainable growth.

Conclusion

This year, resist the cultural push for dramatic resolutions. Instead, prioritize trust, gentleness, and consistency. Your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. By nurturing that relationship with compassion and care, you’ll create a foundation for lasting change—not just this year but for years to come.

Take a moment to breathe, tune into your Self, and decide what feels right for you. Whether it’s a small commitment or simply an intention to connect more deeply with yourself, know that every step you take builds trust and leads to greater harmony within your system.

If you’re interested in exploring more about Internal Family Systems, check out resources like free guided meditations or programs for self-led IFS therapy. Wishing you a New Year filled with self-compassion, trust, and growth.