Crucial Step When Working With Inner-Child in Internal Family Systems

Embracing Emotional Healing: The Power of Feeling With Your Feelings

Introduction

In the journey of emotional healing, distinguishing between "feeling your feelings" and "feeling with your feelings" can be transformative. As an IFS-trained life coach, I, Conor McMillen, explore this powerful concept deeply rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS). Understanding and applying this distinction can significantly impact your emotional well-being and self-awareness.

The Core Distinction

When we talk about feeling our feelings versus feeling with our feelings, we refer to a nuanced yet crucial difference. Feeling our feelings often means being overwhelmed by a part of ourselves that is experiencing intense emotions. In contrast, feeling with our feelings involves engaging our self-energy to compassionately hold and soothe that part.

In IFS, self-energy is characterized by calm, curiosity, and compassion. It is the state we strive to embody, leading to what we call self-leadership. When a part of us overwhelms our system, accessing self-energy becomes challenging, and we may feel like we are entirely consumed by that part. This can be incredibly overwhelming, depending on the nature of the emotion.

Creating a Safe Emotional Space

The goal is to cultivate self-energy and use it to engage with the overwhelmed part. This engagement builds trust, safety, and promotes emotional integration. Think of it as creating a safe space for your inner child, allowing it to feel its emotions fully without being alone in the process.

Imagine a physical child having an intense emotional experience. As a caring adult, you wouldn’t just let them feel their emotions alone. Instead, you’d hold them, ask compassionate questions, and provide a safe environment for them to express their feelings. The same principle applies to our inner child.

Practical Steps for Emotional Healing

1. Acknowledge the Emotion: Recognize when a part of you is overwhelmed by emotions such as sadness, grief, or fear.
2. Engage Self-Energy: Bring your calm, curious, and compassionate self to the forefront.
3. Hold the Part: Instead of jumping into protocols or questions, allow the part to feel its emotions safely, with your self-energy present.
4. Integrate and Heal: Once the part feels seen and held, you can engage in IFS protocols if needed, but often the initial compassionate presence is profoundly healing.

The Importance of Self-Energy

When our capacity for self-energy is suppressed or absent, we become the part itself, leading to overwhelming emotional experiences. For example, if you feel overwhelmed by grief, allowing yourself to sit with that grief, hold it with love and compassion, and let it move through your body can be incredibly beneficial for your nervous system.

This practice provides a safe place to fully feel an emotion, promoting trust and safety within yourself. By bringing self-energy into the room, you offer a nurturing presence to your inner child, which can significantly enhance your emotional well-being.

Conclusion

The distinction between feeling your feelings and feeling with your feelings is a subtle yet profound aspect of emotional healing. By engaging your self-energy and providing a safe space for your inner child to express its emotions, you can foster deeper self-awareness and emotional integration.

Next time you experience an intense emotion, remember to bring your adult self into the room, hold the part feeling overwhelmed, and allow it to feel its feelings safely. This compassionate approach can lead to profound healing and a healthier emotional landscape.

To start your self-led IFS journey check out The Complete Self-Led IFS Program. Embrace your emotions with self-energy and discover the transformative power of feeling with your feelings.

About the Author

Conor McMillen is an IFS-trained life coach dedicated to helping individuals navigate their emotional landscapes. With a compassionate and insightful approach, Conor empowers clients to achieve self-awareness and emotional well-being through the principles of Internal Family Systems.

#EmotionalHealing #IFS #SelfLeadership #InnerChildHealing #MentalHealth #LifeCoach #CompassionateParenting #EmotionalWellbeing #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth