What Are the Steps in IFS?

Internal family systems (IFS) therapy is an approach to therapy that focuses on better understanding your different parts in order to create a more harmonious whole. In order to do this, you must be able to connect with and understand each part and what it is bringing to the table. In this article, we will explore what steps you can take while embracing IFS protocols in order to build that connection and learn to support yourself more fully.

What is the Purpose of Individual Steps in IFS?

There are six prominent steps that come with the IFS process, and each of these steps plays a valuable role in helping you to better understand your parts. The simple truth is that our parts can feel a little complicated and difficult to understand—at least at first.

As you learn more about the internal family systems model and explore these different steps on your own terms, you will find that there is a lot to gain. In IFS therapy, we focus on using these steps to help us identify and embrace each individual part, offering healing as we move along. By using these steps, you can show support and love to your parts and create a greater sense of harmony within. Internal family systems therapy and its associated steps have proven to show support for everything from chronic illness to PTSD caused by multiple childhood trauma.

The 8 C’s—and Why They Matter

When you embrace internal family systems therapy, there are certain considerations that you will want to keep in mind. While discussing IFS therapy, it is common to hear people talk about the 8 C’s that support this model. These are principles that you will want to keep in mind as you begin to work through the six IFS steps with each of your parts. In general, the 8 C’s are considered the inevitable outcome of working through internal family systems therapy. They can also be highly beneficial as you move through the IFS steps.

Calm

Calm is the first of the 8 C’s, and it is one that many people are happy to embrace. This C is focused on the idea that, as you explore yourself and learn more about your own parts, you will feel a deeper sense of calm. This is normal as you move forward and begin to acknowledge each of your different parts.

Connection

Creating a sense of connection from within is what IFS therapy is all about. As you move through IFS self-therapy or therapy with a professional, you will seek to connect with your parts in a way that you might not have before. This is a very good thing, though it can leave you feeling a little more vulnerable than you might expect.

Compassion

Showing yourself compassion throughout the IFS therapy process is crucial for success. Moving through your exploration of self, you are likely to face topics or memories that might be fairly difficult. You might also see parts of yourself that you don’t necessarily like. As you continue with your therapy, you will learn to show yourself compassion and understanding, even for the parts that have caused you problems.

Creativity

When we relieve ourselves of burdens, something magical happens. Our minds and hearts are free to wander and explore—and this leads to greater creativity. Choosing to embrace your parts and make peace with them, all while showing them compassion and understanding, can help you to feel unburdened. This sense of harmony can come with many exciting developments and help you to feel more present in your daily life.

Clarity

For many of us, there are times when we don’t quite understand ourselves. We might not understand why we had a certain reaction to a situation. We might also struggle to understand our own patterns and behaviors. Fortunately, IFS therapy can be highly beneficial in this area. As we seek to explore ourselves and build that deeper sense of understanding, we receive clarity. This clarity comes when we figure out what causes certain behaviors and why we respond in certain ways.

Curiosity

One of the many keys to a successful IFS practice is to allow yourself to replace fear, misunderstanding, and judgment with curiosity. When we don’t understand ourselves, it is common to push away certain behaviors or thoughts. We do this when we don’t feel like they serve us. With IFS therapy, you will want to embrace curiosity instead. Ask yourself what your parts are—and what makes them act the way that they do. Being curious instead of fearful is one step closer to true self-love.

Confidence

A great deal of the fear and disconnect that we feel within ourselves often comes down to not understanding ourselves. This is particularly true for the parts that might cause us problems in daily life. It is the fear of the unknown that can be challenging for most people. Internal family systems therapy aims to unmask those unseen parts of us. When you remove the mystery, you will find that your confidence begins to grow and you feel better prepared to work with all of your parts.

Courage

Seeking to understand yourself is an act that always takes courage. Unsurprisingly, courage plays a large role throughout the IFS therapy process. You will need the courage to seek out your parts, connect with them, and heal them. Think of this as choosing to say yes to all that you are so you can heal from within.

The 6 Common Steps of IFS

Within the internal family systems model, there are six primary steps that you will want to follow. Each of these steps is designed to help you to better understand your parts. This allows you to see each part for what it is, then you can work on healing these parts by treating them with love and support.

It is important to understand that these steps do not come with a designated timeline. You will want to find your way through these steps in a way that balances challenging yourself with keeping you comfortable. Self-therapy and therapy with a professional can help you to explore these steps on your own terms. There is no need to rush along the way. Your primary goal is to receive the benefits associated with each step. When you are patient with yourself, you will be able to truly connect with each of your parts.

Find

Your first step in IFS therapy when you begin to explore your parts starts with one basic goal—to find each of your parts. You will begin by seeking out your parts themselves and acknowledging their existence.

When you begin with this step, you must look within. Taking time to reflect on yourself and actively looking for these parts and sensations can be highly beneficial in locating them. To do this, you will want to look for common clues—thoughts, emotions, and even physical reactions to certain situations or topics. It can be beneficial to consider certain areas where you already know that you struggle.

As you look within, take the time to take note of any part that you come across. You will want to explore each of your parts, so do not pass over them. Instead, take the time to acknowledge them for what they are, then start to consider how they impact you.

A part of the internal family systems model is that primary focus on the whole—and this includes the body. When you find a part during your search, ask yourself where it resides. Is it sitting in your spine? Does it dwell in your stomach? Locate it as best you can.

Focus

The focus step is when you will turn to your parts and ask them to reveal themselves—gently, of course. After you have identified one of your parts, it is time to give it the attention that it needs and deserves. However, you must remember that this part of the process can take some time. It might also be a little confusing for you, but that is just fine. With time, you will understand your parts better.

During this step, your goal is to allow your part to reveal itself. Now that you know it is there, you want to help it make an appearance. Again, this might not feel all that comfortable at first. However, as you get more used to spotting your parts and asking them to step out into the light, it will become easier.

Take time to acknowledge this part of yourself, and remember to be patient. Your goal here is to encourage the part to show itself. In order to do this, you must put aside judgment. Your part might not show itself in the best light, and that is just fine. You want to see it for what it truly is.

Flesh Out

As your parts make themselves known, you will want to move towards embracing them. Our parts are complicated, and that can make the situation feel a little confusing. Don’t worry, you don’t need to understand everything in this step. Your goal is to encourage your parts to communicate with you in some way.

Our parts are unique, and they can be influenced in different ways. They can also communicate with us in different ways—even when they use similar mediums. Let your part bring its own information and share it with you. You don’t need to judge the information or reflect on it. You simply need to open the communication channel.

There are many different ways that our parts might speak to us. They might show us an image or less clear visual depiction that tells us what they are and how they feel. They might also have a sound or even just a sensation that alerts us to their presence. Open yourself up to the information that it wants to share, then ask yourself what it might be trying to tell you with this information.

Feel Toward

As your parts begin to communicate with you, you will need to do some internal work based on this feedback. In the “feel toward” stage of IFS therapy, the goal is to focus on how you feel. This is a time to be free of judgment from yourself. You want to open yourself up and acknowledge how you feel about this part.

First, ask yourself how you automatically respond to this part. Consider the urges that you have in response to it. Are you comfortable sitting with this part of you? Are you open to hearing what it has to say and working with it? Or, is it more complicated than that? Are you afraid of this part? Do you feel a desire to push it away to alleviate your discomfort?

After you understand your initial responses, ask yourself about your intentions with this part. What is your reaction to managing this part? Ask yourself if you have the urge to push the part away—or possibly even to control it. Consider your organic responses, not how you think you should respond.

Be“F”riend

Before you can truly embrace and heal your parts, you need to fully understand them. Remember, your parts are doing what they think is right. Even if these actions lead to negative outcomes, their goal is always to achieve a positive outcome. It is important to recognize that these are not unruly parts acting out. Instead, they are trying to support you. You must be able to acknowledge that so you can hear their story.

Your first step in understanding your part is to figure out where it came from. Whether you are dealing with a manager, firefighter, or exile, every part has an origin story. At some point, something happened that created this part and gave it its role. Find out what started it. To increase your understanding, ask yourself when this part first appeared. The longer a part is with you, the more complicated it might be.

After you have determined where this part came from, figure out how it feels about its job. Did your part have good intentions with an action that ended up no longer being helpful? Determine how your part feels about its role—and whether or not it would like to do things differently.

Fear

Sometimes our parts adopt behaviors because they want to help us. Unfortunately, their actions do not always stay helpful. What works in one situation might turn into a lifetime of unpleasant reactions to similar situations because of it. At the root of all of this is fear.

Our parts believe that it is their job to protect us. Whether you have a manager that tells you it is imperative to people please in order to be well-liked, or you have a firefighter that encourages you to binge eat when you come across a certain trigger, these actions are designed to soothe and help. In reality, that isn’t how it always works out, which is why you need to understand the reaction.

What fears do these parts hold? What do they believe will happen if they stop? Listen to these fears with an open heart. Now, your Self and your Parts should understand each other more fully.

Using These Steps in IFS Self-Therapy

More people are turning to self-therapy as a way to better understand themselves. The internal family systems model is a model that works well with popular self-therapy techniques. Let’s explore what this looks like.

What is Self-Therapy?

Self-therapy is an approach to therapy that you can handle all on your own. It is the act of using therapeutic techniques and considerations on your own terms. Able to be used as a singular approach to therapy or as an addition to traditional therapy appointments, it is about learning, self-discovery, and acceptance.

What Are IFS Protocols?

There are many different IFS protocols available. To embrace IFS self-therapy, you will want to follow these IFS protocols. While it might sound complicated, it really just means that you will be focusing on using self-therapy techniques that are modified to align with the internal family systems model.

Types of IFS Self-Therapy

The list of self-therapy approaches is only growing with time. However, there are some more commonly used approaches to self-therapy that can pair particularly well with the internal family systems model.

Open Guided Meditations

Guided meditation is an act of following someone else’s meditative practice. The levels of guidance can vary significantly. For those who are new to meditation, it can help to have a general starting point. Focusing on a guided meditation that is very loose and encourages you to focus in your own direction can be very helpful.

Self-Guided Meditations

Self-guided meditation is comparable to guided meditation. The only difference is that, with this style, you are the guide. During self-guided meditation, you will allow yourself to determine where your focus should be. This can be particularly helpful when it comes to IFS self-therapy.

For your IFS self-guided meditations, you will want to focus on the steps that we have discussed. You can make a strategy for what you want to focus on and allow yourself to reflect on your own terms. This is a practice that can be helpful at any stage throughout the process.

Journaling

Journaling has been celebrated for its therapeutic effects for quite a while. In many ways, it is comparable to self-guided meditation. The only real difference is that, in this case, you will be jotting down your reflections on paper.

The amount of structure that you bring into your journaling process can vary. Some days, you might want to allow your thoughts to flow freely while you reflect on a step. Other days, you might challenge yourself to focus on specific questions that are associated with the IFS process. It is important to do what will help you to open your heart and look within.